Beer. Salvation. Oblivion. Trance. Underworld. It’s a beautiful thing when you don’t care anymore. Oops, you’re free, oops, you’re an animal, oops – just drink and drink and drink and drink, clean your mind of all that culture, purify yourself of all that training, but she’s like a bumper, hard enough to give your heart a jolt but no damage done.
Just a warning, a frightful, delicious warning that love is possible – there are people out there. All you need to do is bump into them, get lucky, like a squirrel asking for breadcrumbs, you think you understand this game but it’s just on another level. Transcends you, but in an awful, giant way – inexplicable and huge and if you’re lucky it takes pity on you and you connect WHAM! you become associates, you know something about each other, you have a secret from the world.
One second you’re swimming in a sea of self like a frog doing breaststroke in a barrel. Then something impossible has happened, it feels like a God but it’s her, she’s done it to you, she’s afflicted you. You’re scared but you’ve never been more certain about anything in your life and anyway, there are no more decisions now.
So you walk up to her and can you believe it – she’s just as anxious as you are. Your eyes are darting back and forth like ping pong, it’s crackling fun and you don’t even have to do anything, you’re walking on air and you can feel her. You don’t even need to try, it’s so natural, you’ve got this weird understanding already!
And then the banana peel – it registers like a pinprick on your mind. She’s not real. She’s your imagination. When you meet her it will be so much more real than this, so much more impossible than these little words, than these things captured and felt.
So you tip your hat to the barman and you finish off your beer and you get into your car and go home. When you get there, the rain drums against the window panes.
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